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LAS VEGAS, NV—Realizing the complicated high-profile caper they were planning did not, in fact, include the use of insects, a Las Vegas-based bank heist crew found themselves questioning Tuesday the inclusion of a world-class entomologist in their ranks. “So, does anyone actually know why Dr. Moerdenson is coming with us?” said Cassandra Fiero, a disgraced SAS corporal and the group’s demolitions expert, who had previously expressed doubts that the subterranean vault they were training to hit was guarded by Africanized killer bees, venomous beetles, or the like. “I suppose having him around would make sense if we were casing a natural history museum or an exotic zoological garden, but this is, not to put too fine a point on it, a bank. We couldn’t afford to hire a getaway driver, but Moerdenson says not to worry, as he’s brought along his tweezers and magnifying glass. Is he at least, perhaps, an infamous rogue entomologist?” At press time, the heist crew’s piano tuner, ceramics teacher, and lyric poet also voiced their own concerns regarding Moerdenson’s inclusion.


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