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Prepare yourselves for some astonishing news, gamers! A biological phenomenon previously dismissed as impossible has finally occurred, transforming our fundamental understanding of science and human physiology for generations to come. Early this Friday morning, 28-year-old Sarah Holder was blessed by miraculously giving birth to an operational Nintendo Switch!
Readers, look upon this glorious birth and be filled with wonder! This is game-changing stuff.
Here’s why: For all of recorded history, our understanding of human reproductive systems has been hampered by the foolhardy belief that our physiology and video game hardware are incapable of mingling. Now, however, this single unprecedented birth has upended such unfounded beliefs, bringing us a 0.66-pound bundle of joy that includes a set of Joy-Con controllers and an adorable built-in LCD display.
Of course, every pregnancy comes with its set of challenges, and the story of this newborn Nintendo Switch is no exception. Early ultrasounds revealed that the developing console started out sharing the womb with a human twin before absorbing the child’s nutrients in order to develop a functional touchscreen. Doctors also had to untangle the Switch’s power cords, which had become dangerously wrapped around its screen during birth, threatening some of the console’s crucial operating capabilities.
Despite these difficulties, however, Holder described the console in an interview with OGN as the “best thing that had ever happened to her.” Watching the new mother swaddle her newly delivered console while staring into its glowing screen really hit home for us how this isn’t just a win for gamers everywhere, it’s also a feel-good story with a genuinely happy ending.