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Police Officer Wouldn’t Have Killed Black Man If He Knew Everyone Would Make Such A Big Fuss About It

MILWAUKEE, WI—Expressing his deep and heartfelt regrets regarding how the incident has played out in the media, Milwaukee police officer Ian Feeny said Monday that he would never have killed an unarmed black man during a routine traffic stop if he had known that everyone would make such a big fuss about the incident. “When I review the unfortunate events of the night of July 11, I’m forced to admit that conducting myself differently and reacting with less violence would have avoided this whole hubbub,” said Feeny, who referred to the negative media exposure he had received in recent weeks, on top of the sheer amount of paperwork he’d been made to file, as “a heartbreaking tragedy.” “Living with the consequences of my actions, with the sheer weight of public opinion concerning my police work, has been a life-altering inconvenience. I can’t wait until this whole chapter ends with an innocent verdict in my favor.” After receiving word that he’d be placed on paid leave, an exasperated Feeny complained, “This is the reward I get for being a good guy,” and not planting guns and drugs on the victim’s body.

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